Good morning! Or is it? Time of the day greetings like this are pretty standard in society today. And it didn’t start so recently either.
It has probably been around for a century or two. Good mornings are, obviously, a morning greeting to wish the recipient a good day, and it is usually reciprocated when it is given out.
The way it is replied though, is a different story. Mostly, a “good morning” greeting is met with the recipient saying it back, and sometimes even giving a compliment to follow it.
Then, maybe a little bit of small talk. But not everyone is so polite, nor is it everyone that has a good morning. If you happen to be one of them, you might feel the need to show it when someone cones with a “good morning”.
In the case where you aren’t exactly one with the morning, you might want a few sarcastic replies that you might like to use to get them off your back. We’ll discuss a few as you read along.
How to Reply To Good Morning Sarcastically
As a person who might not be experiencing as much of a good morning as you’d like, someone coming up to ypu looking all giddy with a “good morning” greeting is almost annoying.
So, here are 49 ways to use sarcasm to get them out of your hair enough to fix your morning:
- What’s so good about it?
- As if there’s anything good about mornings.
- Whoever said mornings are good deceived us.
- Is it really necessary to be this cheery in the morning?
- Good is a strong word for this awful morning.
- Oh yeah, absolutely stupendous morning so far
- This morning can’t end soon enough.
- What’s good about it? I’m tired and need coffee.
- Well, someone’s optimistic about today.
- If by “good” you mean horrible, then yes, it’s a good morning.
- Can we just skip the morning pleasantries, please?
- Good morning? No such thing.
- Who put you in charge of deciding what kind of morning it is?
- I’ll tell you how good it is after my second cup of coffee.
- I beg to differ on it being a “good” morning.
- So far this morning sucks, but thanks.
- I need a mimosa to make this a good morning.
- I was having a good dream before the alarm went off.
- The only thing good about it is the coffee I’m holding.
- Tell me what’s good about waking up at dawn. I’ll wait.
- Well, it was good until someone said good morning to me.
- I don’t think you and I share the same definition of ‘good’.
- I resent the implication that this morning is good in any way.
- I’m sorry, I don’t speak ‘chipper morning person’.
- Call me when it’s a good afternoon instead
- Is it 5 p.m. yet? No? Then it’s not a good morning.
- My bank account says otherwise
- I’ll believe it when my hangover goes away.
- The only thing worse than mornings are people who say “good morning.”
- I was having a good dream before the alarm clock ruined it.
- Coffee first, then we’ll talk
- Unlike the sun, I’m not shining today.
- My bed was warm and comfy. This morning is not good.
- I need a coffee IV drip before any morning can be good.
- It was good until I got out of bed.
- This morning can go straight to hell.
- What’s good about being awake at this ungodly hour?
- The only good thing is that I’m one day closer to retirement.
- I’ll have a good morning when this week is over.
- My idea of a good morning involves sleeping past noon.
- Let me drink my body weight with caffeine first.
- The morning and I aren’t on speaking terms.
- If I go back to bed, we can try this again later.
- I’m wearing my pajamas under these clothes so technically I’m still asleep.
- This morning can bite me.
- I don’t do morning pleasantries till I downed my third cup of coffee.
- I’m wearing sunglasses until further notice.
- It’s too early for me to pretend to be pleasant
- I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough coffee to deal with morning small talk.
1. What’s so good about it?
Starting with something regular, “What’s so good about it?” is a sarcastic question to ask a person who wishes you good morning.
It is great because it works well in any situation: whether it’s all bright skies and a sunny day or just a droll rainy day.
2. As if there’s anything good about mornings.
If you are not keen about getting out of bed to head to work, then you can “As if there’s nothing good about mornings” to express your pleasure.
While it might not be that you despise going to work or your morning routine, it can be having to interact with people or a particular activity that makes you dread mornings.
3. Whoever said mornings are good deceived us.
“Whoever said mornings are good deceived us” is the perfect sarcastic response if you are not a morning person.
While you might sound like you were deceived into waking up early, it tells people just how much you hate the mornings.
Whether or not you feel this way, saying it with a miserable look on your face will get people laughing.
4. Is it really necessary to be this cheery in the morning?
If the person you are chatting to is bright-eyed and upbeat to the point of being annoying, responding sarcastically with “Is it really necessary to be this cheery in the morning?” can be a nice way to start the day.
Avoid employing this reaction around them if you don’t want to ruin their day by having them interpret your sarcasm as something other than a joke.
5. Good is a strong word for this awful morning.
“Good is a strong word for this awful morning” is a witty response that you can use anytime, especially if the occasion calls for it.
For example, if you just came in to work and you are partly drenched from the rain, a good morning can get this response that will make everyone laugh while helping you in any way they can.
6. Oh yeah, absolutely stupendous morning so far
Let’s say it’s one of those at work where you had to handle a Karen or you got yelled at by your boss. If your colleague greets you good morning you can say “Oh yeah, absolutely stupendous morning so far”.
It will tell them to buzz off with their pleasantries because you are not happy and it has not been a good morning for you.
7. This morning can’t end soon enough
A response like “This morning can’t end soon enough” to a good morning tells whoever you are speaking to that you just want to speed up the day or you are having a bad morning and as the day progresses you will get better.
If you work a morning shift and you have a hard one heck of a morning, the best person coming for the afternoon shift can use this response to know just how work has been for you for the day.
8. What’s good about it? I’m tired and need coffee.
“What’s good about it? I’m tired and need coffee” is a response that tells whoever is greeting you that you are not in the mood for their sunshine.
This response is suitable for any setting and tells people just how you feel. If you are speaking to a coworker, an acquaintance, or a stranger who is very cherry, this will tell them to leave you alone.
9. Well, someone’s optimistic about today.
The thing about the reply, “Well, someone’s optimistic about today” is that while it is sarcastic, it also sounds interested in knowing what’s going on.
That is, while you can say this gloomily, you can also say it with a smirk on your face and wait to hear the optimist speak.
10. If by “good” you mean horrible, then yes, it’s a good morning.
“If by “good” you mean horrible, then yes, it’s a good morning” is a purely sarcastic response that will express how you feel while making others laugh.
It’s a good preamble to a story. You come into a place and you are greeted good morning. With this response, they will ask to know more and you can tell them what’s going on.
11. Can we just skip the morning pleasantries, please?
Introverted, irritated, upset, whatever you are, if you have no qualms with the morning but would rather not be drawn into the office tradition of greeting then you can say “Can we just skip the morning pleasantries please?”
While it might seem like a monster or a killjoy, they will understand to leave you be and come back when you are better.
12. Good morning? No such thing.
“Good morning? No such thing” is as basic as it gets. It might not be funny or very odd but it gets the job done.
If you are minimalist and keen on being mild, then this response should work for you. Those who know you will pick it up from there.
13. Who put you in charge of deciding what kind of morning it is?
“Who gave you the authority to determine the type of morning it is?” sounds aggressive but when said well will give the meaning intended.
It will tell the person listening that you don’t think it is a good morning like they do and they should stop generalising it.
14. I’ll tell you how good it is after my second cup of coffee.
Caffeine gets some people up and running. If you are that kind of person, then it also determines your mood. Saying “I’ll tell you how good it is after my second cup of coffee” explains to show you are speaking to that you are waiting for the caffeine to kick in
When it does, then you will know if it’s a good morning or it will just be one of those days where you can’t wait to get home and get to bed.
15. I beg to differ on it being a “good” morning.
For a fancy reply, you can try “I beg to differ on it being a ‘good’ morning”. It is just a simple response with a dash of class.
If you normally don’t speak like this, you can put up an act with this response and get your friends laughing.
16. So far this morning sucks, but thanks.
Good morning is more of a wish than a greeting if you think about it. With this in mind, “So far this morning sucks, but thanks” explains to them that you are grateful for their wish but the morning sucks.
It is one of those replies you can just drop while in person to get a surprised reaction. It will be nice to turn around and see their faces flushed with embarrassment or pity.
17. I need a mimosa to make this a good morning.
“I need a mimosa to make this a good morning” speaks volumes about your mood to someone who just greeted you.
First, starting the day with alcohol doesn’t appeal to very many people, especially mimosa.
You can say this as a joke or you can modify it to something odd or silly to get a reaction out of your listener. To make it better, act oblivious to the reactions.
18. I was having a good dream before the alarm went off.
“I was having a good dream before the alarm went off” is a clear way to say ” I didn’t wake up on the right side of the bed”.
Only silly people like the sound of the alarm clock. Hearing it go on incessantly, especially after it has rudely shocked you awake and ended your dream is a bane.
19. The only thing good about it is the coffee I’m holding.
Again, for the coffee lovers who depend on caffeine to function, “The only thing good about it is this coffee I’m holding” tells your well-wishers how you feel about the morning.
More importantly, it also tells them how much you appreciate your cup of coffee. Might not be what they wanted to hear, but at least they know how you are keeping it together.
20. Tell me what’s good about waking up at dawn. I’ll wait.
Another aggressive response to good morning is “Tell me what’s good about waking up at dawn. I’ll wait”. With this reply, you might as well have bared your teeth at them and growled.
While they think of a reason or something better to say, they will make a mental note that you are not a morning person, and a reminder not to greet you again.
21. Well it was good until someone said good morning to me.
Your opponent has greeted you? Simply respond, “Well, until someone said good morning to me, it was good.” They will be stunned and silent for a while as a result of the pain.
If they are not an enemy, day it with a smile and they will know you are not ready to interact with people yet.
22. I don’t think you and I share the same definition of ‘good’.
“I don’t think you and I share the same definition of ‘good'” is a witty response to good morning. It tells them that while you might accept the greeting, you two are not seeing things the same way.
It is amusing and then you can tell them what’s made your morning so drab that it has made you redefine the word good or use a whole new adjective for the morning.
23. I resent the implication that this morning is good in any way.
“I resent the implication that this morning is good in any way” is a hilariously depressing response.
If you don’t understand it, the response is trying to say that everything that has happened in those few hours is in no way good and you would never want to use the word good to describe how the morning turned out.
24. I’m sorry, I don’t speak ‘chipper morning person’.
If you dread the sunrise, you can respond with “I’m sorry, I don’t speak ‘chipper morning person'” to let whoever has greeted you say that you didn’t get out of bed with the mind of the morning being full of opportunities.
It can also be used to tease them for their happy-go-lucky optimistic outlook on the day and urge them to be more realistic and less chipper.
25. Call me when it’s a good afternoon instead
A good friend or relation trying to sing you a good morning jingle and brighten up your day? Tell them to buzz off with “Call me when it’s a good afternoon instead”.
If they interrupted your sleep, you can end the call with this response. They will know to do something better with their mornings.
26. Is it 5 pm yet? No? Then it’s not a good morning.
While in a situation where you are hoping for a speed run through the day, you could reply with “Is it 5 pm yet? No? Then it’s not a good morning”.
Waking up early every day can be a bane and you might want the day to end as soon as possible so can rest.
27. My bank account says otherwise
What is the one thing that comes with adulthood? No, not freedom. Bills. If you woke up with bills in your email or your mailbox, you might say “My bank account says otherwise”.
It explains the source of your sarcasm and tells anyone listening to the overwhelming state of things.
28. I’ll believe it when my hangover goes away
If your little drink went on a little too far in the morning, you might wake up feeling terrible. A good morning might sound like a jest hence you can respond with “I’ll believe it when my hangover goes away”.
A hangover is sometimes a good reason to stop drinking entirely because it can just mess up the rest of the day.
29. The only thing worse than mornings are people who say “good morning.”
Some people generally just hate everything. From what time of the day to the people in it. If you are one of those people, you could use “The only thing worse than mornings are people who say ‘good morning'”.
Good mornings are for people who believe some mornings are good. Most people see nothing good in mornings.
30. I was having a good dream before the alarm clock ruined it.
It’s such a pain when you get jolted out of almost winning a million dollars. To express that, you could say “I was having a good dream before the alarm clock ruined it”.
Getting woken from a nice dream by an alarm can be very frustrating indeed.
31. Coffee first, then we’ll talk
It might sound curt but “Coffee first, then we’ll talk” is saying “If you don’t want us to remain friends, let me compose myself so neither of us has any regrets later”.
It also says, I don’t joke with my coffee, and it is my priority. Nice right?
32. Unlike the sun, I’m not shining today.
When the day greets you but you don’t greet back and someone tries to greet you good morning, try replying with “Unlike the sun, I’m not shining today”.
When you aren’t feeling that “ray of sunshine” vibe in the morning, it could be annoying to be greeted with Good morning.
33. My bed was warm and comfy. This morning is not good.
From a warm and comfy bed to a hard day at work, getting a “good morning” greeting could earn them a reply like “My bed was warm and comfy. This morning is not good”.
Not everyone feels like getting out of bed, especially if they hardly had a wink of sleep, so remembering the comfort of the bed seems almost painful.
34. I need a coffee IV drip before any morning can be good.
Some people get grumpy when they miss their morning coffee. If you fall into this category, you may use “I need a coffee IV drip before any morning can be good”.
Not having a swig of your daily dose of caffeine may not make your morning look good in the least.
35. It was good until I got out of bed.
Replying with “It was good until I got out of bed” sends a strong message about how you might not like the day because you didn’t sleep well.
A bit of early-morning sarcasm is a savage way to start the day. Getting out of bed can be stressful, isn’t it?
36. This morning can go straight to hell
Another harsh and sarcastic reply to “good morning” is one like “This morning can go straight to hell”.
This reply just hits hard as the brutally harsh wait is. Mornings would sound like the babe to your existence.
37. What’s good about being awake at this ungodly hour?
Some people sometimes hate waking early, such people can respond to a good morning with “What’s good about being awake at this ungodly hour?”
In the wee hours of the morning, having to wake up leaves one groggy and tired and feeling annoyed.
38. The only good thing is that I’m one day closer to retirement.
Have you ever just felt tired of work? Fed up with corporate life, and wishing for it to be over and done with? Then a good morning greeting to you could be replied with “The only good thing is that I’m one day closer to retirement”.
The corporate world can be pretty tiring. The elderly do have a reason for wishing for retirement.
39. I’ll have a good morning when this week is over.
Having a bad week isn’t something too far-fetched these days. If someone greets you with a “good morning” on a bad week, you could reply with “I’ll have a good morning when this week is over”
This reply can also be used if you are perhaps looking forward to something by the end of the week.
40. My idea of a good morning involves sleeping past noon.
When you are tired nearly all the time and someone greets you good morning, you can say “My idea of a good morning involves sleeping past noon”
For many, to be able to sleep past noon is a form of bliss they would hardly be able to get, so wishing for it wouldn’t be too surprising.
41. Let me drink my body weight with caffeine first.
Another way to emphasize your need for morning coffee when greeted with good morning is “Let me drink my body weight in caffeine first”.
This reply works to show that you’d like to get a dose of caffeine first before starting the day.
42. The morning and I aren’t on speaking terms.
Giving up on the joys of the morning can come in many forms. One of which is hating the morning enough to reply with “The morning and I aren’t on speaking terms” when greeted with a good morning.
This is an easy way to showcase your dislike for the waking hours of the day and to get it out there that you just don’t see as good.
43. If I go back to bed, we can try this again later.
A response like “If I go back to bed, we can try this again later” is nice to use if you are failing at having a simple conversation.
You can also say this after the “good morning” greeting so they know you are too tired for small talk and pleasantries.
44. I’m wearing my pajamas under these clothes so technically I’m still asleep.
If you look like someone who was dragged out of bed, and you met someone on the street, telling them “I’m wearing my pajamas under these clothes so technically I’m still asleep” won’t surprise them.
They will shake their head with a wan smile and understand that you want to head back to sack and you can not wait to do so.
45. This morning can bite me.
When you and the morning are at loggerheads and you don’t see eye to sunlight, to someone wishing you a good morning, you could say “This morning can bite me”.
The morning is harsh to some and pleasing to others. It could be from a bad previous night or a morning hangover from too much drinking.
46. I don’t do morning pleasantries till I downed my third cup of coffee.
The last response on the list for coffee lovers. Nothing says it takes more coffee seriously like “I don’t do morning pleasantries till I downed my third cup of coffee”.
It tells the person wishing you good morning how bad you need your caffeine – not a healthy amount before social interaction but now they know better.
47. I’m wearing sunglasses until further notice.
While trying to keep from going blind due to opening up the blinds, a good morning greeting could be answered with “I’m wearing sunglasses until further notice”.
You could be a vampire with how much you like the indoors, so someone opening up the blinds would make you squint so hard your eyes water.
48. It’s too early for me to pretend to be pleasant
If you tell someone who greets you good morning, “It’s too early for me to pretend to be pleasant”, they will be puzzled or chuckle at the sarcasm in the response.
This reply doesn’t give a reason for being sarcastic, it makes it seem like you have a sarcastic personality – the fun type.
49. I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough coffee to deal with morning small talk.
Can’t gather enough strength to care for a bit of conversation, tell them that by replying “I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough coffee to deal with morning small talk” to a good morning greeting.
Now you can have some time to sip some good morning caffeine and mentally prepare for the day ahead.
Final Words
While having a bad start to the day happens for almost everyone once in a while, it is still imperative that you do what is necessary to complete the day’s tasks so that things are much easier and better the rest of the day.
And with this list a bunch of sarcastic retorts, you could hold a funny conversation about the day you are having and you might even have some peace and buy some time to get yourself mentally prepared for the day while avoiding unnecessary chatter.