If you are in a romantic relationship, there’s a chance that you’ve been asked if you are jealous. If not, this will likely happen to you. This question comes up a lot among lovers or friends of other types.
Your first instinct may be to take offense. But you can make a tense situation light by giving a funny reply. For example a funny reply like:
- Jealousy is for insecure people, I’m a confident mofo,
- Me, jealous? I’m a pro at not caring
- Who has time for jealousy when there’s so much pizza to be eaten
There’s no doubt that any of these replies will make you get your listener smiling.
21 Funny Replies to “Are You Jealous?”
1. Jealous? Me? Pfft, I’m too fabulous to be jealous
This funny response comes handy if you perceive that the question about jealousy is not exactly to make you feel less.
The reason for this conclusion is that this response may come off as corny and shows a level of inferiority.
But if you remember that the response is not supposed to be taken seriously, then you’d have no qualms about using it.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Me, jealous? Pfft, I’m too fabulous to be jealous
- Are you jealous
Nope, I’m too fabulous to be jealous of anyone
2. Jealousy is for amateurs. I’m a pro at not caring
If you perceive that the person asking this question is really trying to make you feel jealous, you can give this funny reply. It works especially if you are actually jealous and the other person knows.
This reply is also appropriate when you are talking with someone you are romantically involved with.
For example:
- Are you jealous
That’s for amateurs. I’m a pro at not caring
- Are you jealous
Nope. Amateurs are jealous. I’m a pro at not caring
3. Nah, I’m too busy being awesome to be jealous
Again, this is you bragging about being awesome rather than being jealous. It is a funny reply you give to your girlfriend or boyfriend who asks about how you feel when they get attention from someone else.
Or an ex-lover. Remember to smile when using this reply. Tone can make all the difference.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Nah, I’m not. I’m too busy being awesome to be jealous
- Are you jealous
Nope. I’m not jealous. I’m too busy being awesome to be.
4. Me? Jealous? That’s like asking a mermaid if she’s jealous of a regular fish
Mermaids are supposed to be more attractive than regular fish. It is on this contrast that this funny reply is based.
You are telling the person that you are a mermaid while the other person you are being compared to is a regular fish.
This funny reply is most appropriate if the people involved are lovers or are romantically involved with each other.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Me? Jealous? Oh please, that’s like asking a mermaid if she’s jealous of a regular fish.
- Are you jealous
No, how can I? That’s like asking a mermaid if she’s jealous of a regular fish
5. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. I prefer to focus on being happy for others
This funny reply is best for when you are evidently jealous. Say it with a mocking look of sadness. Make sure your tone also suggests that you mean the opposite of what you’re saying.
Lovers would love this one. Say this funny reply with as much flourish as you can muster.
For example:
- Are you jealous
No, I’m not. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. I prefer to focus on being happy for others.
- Are you jealous
Jealousy is a wasted emotion so I rather focus on being happy for others.
6. Why be jealous when I can just steal what I want?
This funny reply is best for when the person asking the question is still your love interest. That is, you are not dating yet, this person is with someone else and they want to know how the situation makes you feel.
You can add some mock confidence by using this reply. If the person has a healthy and working sense of humor, they’ll surely laugh.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Why should I be jealous when I can steal what I want?
- Are you jealous
Why should I, when I can steal you?
7. Who has time for jealousy when there’s so much pizza to be eaten?
With this funny reply, you are making a serious situation, light. You would like to substitute time for being jealous with time for eating pizza.
For you, pizza deserves your investment more than the other person. jealousy is just not your thing.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Who has time for jealousy when there’s so much pizza to be eaten?
- Are you jealous
There’s so much pizza to be eaten, who has time to be jealous?
8. Jealous? Me? Nah, I’m just allergic to mediocrity
This funny reply is appropriate if the question concerns, for example, a former lover, an ex. Or it can also be about a former teammate, a coworker, a former job, and so on.
The context will determine how funny this reply would be. It also depends very much on if it’s really true that you are not jealous.
Also, this would be a funny reply if the person asking caught you in the act of expressing jealousy.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Jealous? Me? Nah, I’m just allergic to mediocrity
- Are you jealous
Me, jealous? Nah, I’m just allergic to mediocrity
9. Jealousy is just love in a green hat. And I’m not wearing any hats today
Green hat? Yes. A man wears a green hat if his wife has been cheating on him. So in this funny reply, you are alluding to the fact that you have no need for jealousy because your lover isn’t cheating on you.
At first, and depending on the circumstances, when someone hears about the green hat, they would laugh because they are confused about the hat.
You are also expressing your confidence when you say you’re not wearing a hat today.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Nah, jealousy is nothing but love in a green hat. Look at me, I’m not wearing a hat today
- Are you jealous
Nope. Jealousy is just love in a green hat. I’m not wearing a hat today.
10. Nope, I’m too busy being the CEO of my own life to worry about what others are doing
This reply is a really funny one if delivered properly and with the right expressions. You may have heard this sort of reply before mostly where the subject is a serious one.
And it can be any subject from work to finance and love. Someone asks if you are jealous of your ex, a co-worker who’s ahead, a friend who’s just bought a new car, or that friend who just married their sweetheart – who happens to be an ex.
This reply, if delivered with the appropriate expression will make the other person laugh. This reply will be even funnier if it isn’t true.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Nope. I’m too busy being the CEO of my own life to worry about what others are doing
- Are you jealous
No, never. I’m too busy being the CEO of my life to worry about what others are doing
11. Jealousy is just insecurity in disguise. And I’m a confident mofo
If you say this reply with the right attitude, it is bound to be funny as hell. There’s some truth in this reply too. Jealousy betrays a lack of confidence in who you are.
Yet, jealousy is a human trait that we all have but must continue to suppress. It would even be funnier if you are green with jealousy when you say this, but you say it anyway to console yourself.
For example:
- Are you jealous
No, I’m not because jealousy is insecurity in disguise. I’m a confident mofo.
- Are you jealous
Why should I be when jealousy is nothing but insecurity in disguise? I’m a confident mofo
12. I’m not jealous, I’m just silently judging you from afar
Assume you are really jealous and the other person can clearly see it. So the person asks if you are jealous. You can say this reply with a roll of your eyes.
This is a good response especially if the object of your jealousy is the person asking. As you turn green with jealousy, say you’re not jealous. You’re only judging them.
For example:
- Are you jealous
No, I’m not jealous, I’m just silently judging you from hear
- Are you jealous
I’m not jealous, bro. I’m just here judging you from afar.
13. Jealousy? Nah, I’m too busy being the reigning champion of my own world
This funny reply, like the others on this list, suggests that you are too confident in what you’re doing for yourself to feel jealous.
The words here are deliberately worded to make the other person smile. They are dramatic words. As you may have noticed, they are funny because you are likely jealous in reality.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Jealousy? Nah, I’m too busy being the reigning champ of my own world
- Are you jealous
How can I be when I’m busy being the champion of my own world
14. That’s like asking a cat if it’s jealous of a goldfish
With a defensive reply like this, you will have the other person smiling at you because they probably detect a tinge of jealousy but you’re handling yourself well.
In this funny reply, you’re comparing yourself to a cat and the other person to a goldfish. You admit the other is a goldfish, which is a great thing.
Goldfishes are beautiful. But do they have the freedom that a cat enjoys? Nope.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Nah, that’s like asking a cat if it’s jealous of a goldfish
- Are you jealous
No, man. I’m not jealous. It’s like asking if a cat it’s jealous of a goldfish
15. I prefer to call it feeling creatively challenged
The question of whether you’re jealous may come up if you are perceived as being competitive.
If this is so, you can reply that it’s not jealousy but that you’ve been challenged by that person to be more creative so you can be as good as them.
This is a funny reply if the circumstance is a workplace.
For example:
- Are you jealous
No, I’m not. I prefer to call it feeling creatively challenged
- Are you jealous
I’m not jealous. I prefer to call it feeling creatively challenged
16. Jealousy is so last season. I’m all about gratitude these days
With this reply, you admit to being jealous at one point in time. If you say this right, the person is going to laugh and nod their head.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Jealousy is so last season. I’m all about gratitude these days
- Are you jealous
No, man. That’s so last season. I’m all about gratitude these days
17. Never. I’m just silently plotting my revenge
Hopefully, you’ll say this to the person they claim you are jealous of and the person would laugh with the understanding that you’re only messing around.
Also, you have to say this with the appropriate expression and in the best situation. Of course, you have no intention of avenging anyone.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Never. I’m just silently plotting my revenge
- Are you jealous
I’m not jealous. I’m just silently plotting my revenge
18. Jealousy? Please. I’m too fabulous to be threatened by anyone
This is when a simple question about being jealous leads to an argument. It is at this moment you know the person is truly jealous.
But it’s also fun to watch yourself turn your lemons into lemonade. Especially when you have a healthy sense of humor. This reply said with a certain time will get people around you laughing.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Jealous? No. I’m too fabulous to be threatened by anyone
- Are you jealous
No. I’m not jealous. I’m too fabulous to be threatened by anyone
19. Yeah. There ought to be a law against being ripped off
Once again, it is amusing when you agree that you are truly jealous. You can make the moment funnier by accusing- playfully – the other person of ripping off your style. This response is a good one if you are in the midst of friends.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Of course, I am. There ought to be a law against being ripped off
- Are you jealous
Yeah. There ought to be a law against being ripped off
20. No, I’m not. I taught him all he knows
In this funny reply, you don’t admit to being jealous. But you have something to say about the other person’s success or whatever now puts them ahead.
Saying you taught the person all he or she knows is funny if everyone knows it’s not true.
For example:
- Are you jealous
No, I’m not. I taught him all he knows
- Are you jealous
How can I be when I taught him everything he knows?
21. Jealous? We don’t do that here
If you say this, then go right ahead to act like a jealous person, it would be very funny to see. Everyone knows what being jealous is because we have all experienced the feeling, even children.
For example:
- Are you jealous
Jealous? We don’t do that here
- Are you jealous
No, I’m not. We don’t do that here
Saying something funny doesn’t come easy. Even comedians have to add certain cues and gestures to get people to laugh at what they say.
But you don’t have to be a comedian to use any of the replies on this list. You only need to smile when you use them.